BETTER THAN HEARSAY The Dizzy Dancing Way It Feels

MOUNTAINTOP - It had been eons since I visited Jake and Gus who, if you believe everything you hear, are just figments of my imagination.

They aren’t exactly real but they aren’t hypothetical either. I prefer calling them a whimsical way of squeezing factual information I’ve gotten from trustworthy people, who don’t want to be quoted, into a news story.

Having said that, I count on Jake and Gus for wisdom whenever stuff gets befuddling, prompting me to go see the old geezers the other day.

J & G live out in the boonies where winter snows linger. I found them sitting around the living room woodstove which was nothing out of the ordinary.

It was odd, however, even for them, to be wearing sunglasses at night so I had to ask, “what’s up with the shades?”

“Dealin’ with this dang dizziness,” Jake said.

“The planet’s spinnin’ faster or something,” said Gus. “Cain’t be good.”

It’s not like I forgot but it had been a while since they did what they do, talk nonsense that isn’t and instead is them somehow knowing what I’m going to ask before I ask it. I waited for what’s next. It didn’t take long.

“Truth is,” Jake said, “this whole thing with the DEP and them buyin’ up more land or not buyin’ it has me feelin’ pretty wobbly.”

“Woozier than a little bird that’s banged into a window,” said Gus.

The short version of the long story is that DEP (New York City Department of Environmental Protection) is in negotiations with a host of entities over the renewal of what’s called a water withdrawal permit.

That’s all connected to DEP’s land acquisition program and a mandate to preserve the purity of their upstate water supply and reservoir network.For some folks in these parts, the mere thought of DEP and the thousands upon thousands of acres they’ve bought over the past thirty years, is akin to sticking their face in a bee’s nest.

“We can’t grow more land,” says one government official, voicing a worry expressed by many that DEP is threatening community sustainability by scooping up so much rural real estate, rendering it un-developable.

DEP says it’s doing what it has to do. As part of their ongoing negotiations, which recur every few years, they’ve agreed to, “cease solicitation and acquisitions in Priority Areas 3 and 4” of their watershed.

Priority Areas 3 and 4 cover all of Schoharie County, the majority of Delaware County and all but a razor thin section of Greene County.

Sounds simple, but DEP agreed to it only after a scientific study showed their accumulation of lands wasn’t all it was being cracked up to be.

Some folks in these parts have said that all along. DEP has also proposed that it be allowed to keep acquiring properties in Priority Areas 3 and 4 if those properties are specifically offered for sale by a town or village.

That exception opens a can of worms for some communities, including the towns of Windham, Ashland and Jewett, resulting in stiff resistance and resolutions of opposition which I wrote about here, last week..

“This is where you come in, muckin’ up the works,” Jake said.

“Yup,” said Gus. “You and that pestilent laptop.”

They weren’t wrong. I wrote the story based on the town of Jewett passing a resolution against the DEP exception, joining Windham and others.

In it, I said DEP was backtracking on a promise to backoff from buying certain lands, and thereby getting met with local backlash.

Clever alliteration but not so, according to a DEP spokesperson who, in a phone chat and email stated DEP, “has no intention of pursuing any new property purchases throughout the vast majority of the Catskills (Priority Areas 3 and 4)…and no intention of changing that posture.”

The spokesperson made it crystal clear DEP wasn’t backtracking on anything but had, from the get go, sought the exception.

Journalistic apologies were offered and graciously accepted, then I talked to a few guys with better knowledge of the situation than me (which isn’t hard), getting different versions of the same events or so it seems.

The DEP exception is being viewed by some as DEP jamming its foot in the doorway like an unwelcome vacuum cleaner salesman.

There is also an argument surrounding the DEP exception about, “who said what first and when it was said,” one guy told me, bringing to my mind that famous Abbott and Costello “who’s on first” comedy routine.

And there was a mixup over what another reporter was told by DEP about a Coalition of Watershed Towns resolution and wording in the document that would exclude towns from the DEP exception.

Those towns include Jewett, Windham and Ashland, and it was either bad timing or a communications breakdown or both, but DEP was apparently initially out of the loop with the resolution, denying it even existed.

Meanwhile, the negotiations between all the various agencies and entities are, “getting weirder the more we talk about them,” the guy told me.

A second guy told me, “this isn’t bad faith by The City. Some towns want the option to sell to DEP and DEP is saying that’s fine with them.

“They are fighting over a nuance,” the second guy said. “This doesn’t merit the attention it’s getting. If there is confusion, it’s being created by people trying to make confusion.” 

I have no idea what that means. When I create confusion it is by accident, but looking over at J & G, fidgeting with their sunglasses, and listening to their prattle, I decided not to seek their two cents on the subject.

They were rambling on about, “how do any of us stay standing when the earth is twirling and orbiting the sun at the same darn time,” plus it was getting late and I had a long drive home. They offered nevertheless.

“Guess maybe you ain’t the onliest addle-brain in the crowd,” Jake said, not particularly comfortingly. 

“Help a brother out, will ya’?” said Gus. “I cain’t tell with these Ray-Bans on. Is my head stuck in a blender or a washing machine?”

I waved goodnight, leaving the two coots to their derangement, feeling a trifle better about my own.