The Tapestry with Dr Deb Herodes - Womenfolk and the Men who Love ThemGrab your Soapboxes

I was always told that power corrupts, and that money was the root of all evil.  Power, for me, as a young girl growing up in the 50’s, was anything male.  Even the little boys had more power than I had.  They were allowed to play little league and involve themselves in all kinds of athletics in competitive arenas, where crowds would come and cheer them on to victory.  The girls were allowed to be involved in “Play Days,” with no referees and ½ a gymnasium or ball field.  A few moms and dads might make a game or two, but for the most part, the stands and fields were empty.  Boys were offered academic and athletic scholarships from colleges and although some stellar female students may have received a scholarship, here and there, their academic averages needed to be higher than the boys’ averages that were competing for the same scholarships, if they expected to be selected over the boys.  Our school principals and leaders were all male, with a predominance of female teachers, under their thumbs. Religious leaders were all male and when a female tried to join the fold, there was an ecumenical outcry.  Women in the pulpit?  We think not!

Although this may be very difficult for today’s females to believe, it is the truth and a lot of pride had to be swallowed and a lot of strength had to be garnered, along the way to a better world, where people were treated equally.

As the years went by, things began to look up a bit, with the “Women’s Movement,” (always hated that label,) recognition.  Slowly but surely, the intelligence of women and the athletic ability of women and the genuine prowess of women allowed far more equality in the workplace and in the military. Not only could women run  homes, raise children, run corporations and stand up to the best of men on the training field, but they were reliable, devoted and hard-working.

One may believe that men, although they probably enjoyed the extra salary, had their noses a bit bent out of shape.  The “little woman” was now making money and the “master of the house,” lost his financial hold.  Even though men were paid more than women in most jobs, just by virtue of the fact they were male, women faced a new problem and had to fight to change this accepted practice. Although there still is some discrepancy in pay, salaries have become more equal.  Today, the same job almost equals the same pay, despite your gender! It is still an issue but women have begun to speak up and speak out.

It is now 2024, and it is difficult to believe how many people want to go back to those old days, where women were not allowed to make decisions for themselves, because the government and the men in their lives had the “final” say.  I hear the old tenor/bass voices of “the chosen” starting to squawk!  Women in the workforce had changed everything these “good old boys” liked about going to work. Sexual jokes became taboo. Office flirtations were looked at with different eyes and baby showers, after a long workday, had replaced the neighborhood pub of buddies, who gathered for a belt of whatever, before heading home.

Women, in the workforce, soon discovered that going to “the old grind” was far easier than staying home with the kids and the hundreds of mundane tasks.  There were coffee breaks and adult laughter and intelligence sharing at the workplace.  No more could men expect to be worshiped for their “sacrifice” to the family; the wives now knew! Times were a changin.’

In today’s world, colleges are full of women, who are pursuing medicine, law, engineering, business and all other fields once reserved or at least dominated by men.  More women enter law school and medical school yearly than men.  Another amazing fact to add to this equation is that 65% of today’s children are raised in a one-parent home, where women are the primary caregivers, and due to lagging courts pursuing child support claims, are also the major source, if not the only source of income for the family.

Now certainly, all men are not beasts; as a matter of fact, some are truly supportive in both the home and the workplace, but many are still wondering what happened to their rights as men!  Learning to do laundry, vacuum, cook, bake, give baths, help with homework, dust, shop, run athletic taxis, schedule and attend children’s doctor’s appointments, change diapers, get up for 2 a.m. feedings, mop floors, sweep, do the dishes, wrap presents, tend flower gardens, attend small children’s birthday parties and everything else, interrupted their golf dates or their ball games or what THEY had planned for themselves!

When the power and the perks associated with power are given to a person for no reason, one gets used to doing as one pleases, and change and fairness are new vocabulary words.

I am in no way saying that things are totally fair yet, because there are still neanderthals holding on to the past with everything in them.  They are used to the womenfolk taking care of them and that’s the way it is going to be!  They are all for their women working outside of the home, if their “women’s work” in the home gets done.

Power is a funny thing.  One may consider himself powerful if he is wealthy, even if those with no power made him wealthy.  Sadly, this self-professed and handed-down power is intoxicating, and it is imperative to keep others down, to rise to the top.  We see this all too often on the playground where the big kid or the popular kid or the well-dressed kid makes it his business to abuse others who he believes are less than him.  Unfortunately, some children will always believe they are not important because of this incessant power struggle.

So, this is on the small stage; the playground sets the stage for the big stage where leaders begin to emerge because of the influence of their wealth or self-professed power. Their ability to stay on top, with no accountability for bad behavior keeps them powerful because they believe they are above the law.  Those times are a changin’ too.

When the bully becomes the leader, with no fear of ruining the lives of those who may be more intelligent, more worthy and more industrious, he plows ahead with an agenda to keep the lowly in their places.

We are on the verge of yet another contentious election for President of the United States, and the powerful have reared their heads, with their rhetoric and promises. There is one woman in the fight and despite the horrendous things said about her, she continues her fight. Somewhere, in the back of our heads, we need to remember that playground of old, where lies were told about us, where girls weren’t allowed to play kickball with the boys, where people were dismissed or ridiculed because of the color of their skin, their gender, their religious beliefs and so on, and educate ourselves about what kind of leader we want to run our country.  We need to cast aside partisan politics and take a real look at our candidates.  We need to recognize that power is gained by doing the right thing, not once in a while, but always.  We need to also recognize the slide backwards that we are involved in.  Moving backwards is not the answer…we’ve been there, we’ve done that!

Going back to the fifties is not on my agenda; I want fairness for all people.  I want truth, no matter how hard it is to take.  I want a leader who cares about his/her country more than himself/herself.   I want to be safe and for my family to be safe.  I want a President I can be proud of on the world stage.  I care very little about age, which is a good thing, because both of our major candidates are elder members of our society.  I care about their history, their records, their treatment of others, and search everywhere possible to dismiss the media endorsement of disenchantment with either of them.  I listen to what they have to say.  I listen to those who have worked alongside the candidates. A lot can be gleaned about the character of a person by listening to him/her speak and by listening to those who know them best. I continue to search for any misogyny in our male candidates, but perhaps most importantly, I respect the rule of law and, henceforth, make sure that a Presidential candidate has served as an example of a law-abiding citizen, who deserves to represent the people of this great country of ours because of who he/she is, not what he/she has.

Ladies…be aware of what is happening and fight to restore the rights that have already been taken away and for those that might be.  Do not be complicit by saying nothing. It is time to get out your banners again and remind our country of your strength, your importance and your competence.  Soapboxes are for more than your laundry-loads…get out there and make some noise for the good of all people!