Whittling Away Guilt

     There are just some things that you do in life that you're not proud of, things that live in your consciousness and gnaw at you late at night.  Lord help me, I did such a thing last week and have to get it off my chest.  I didn't mean to do it, I was just driving peacefully down the road, enjoying a fine afternoon when it happened, a large dump truck pulled onto the highway in front of us.  I pulled up behind it and then I saw the big orange sign attached to the truck's posterior.  It read, "Construction Vehicle, Do Not Follow". 

      I followed it.  I knew it was wrong but I was feeling kind of wild.  After a mile or two, my conscience took over.  I started looking in the rear view mirror for flashing lights.  How would my family feel when I appeared on the nightly news in handcuffs?

     I tried to pardon my transgression by telling myself that there were no side roads to turn off onto, no pull offs to offer sanctuary so I continued to follow.  I could have pulled over, turned on my flashers and waited for the ponderous beast to disappear from sight before continuing but did I?  No, I continued to follow it.  

     I had whipped myself into a frenzy of guilt when the truck put on its signal lights and pulled off the highway into a work site.  I had gotten away with it!  No handcuffs, no criminal record!  But had I gotten away with it, who had seen my crime?  Were the police even now waiting at my home, would the weekly papers tell what I had done in blaring headlines?

     Admitting it publicly has helped, I can feel the burden of guilt lifting.  I am now ready to face the music.  In fact, I feel so relieved, maybe I should tell about the time when I was nine and cut the mattress tag off my brother's bed in the hopes that the police would come and take him away, leaving me with his new bike.  Naw!  I never felt that bad about it anyway.  In fact, I'm still a little disappointed in law enforcement since he continues to walk about, free as a bird.

     I suppose I shouldn't feel bad about being paranoid.  Everyone is affected by self guilt in one form or another.  Just watch the brake lights light up when folks see a patrol car coming.  I know I can be driving 30 mph in a 55 mph area, see a police car and still hit the brakes.  I guess it happens to most everyone.  

      Thought for the week--Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't out to get you.

      Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.

         whittle12124@yahoo.com